Johnny Depp got completely drunk last night at the Hollywood Film Awards. He did not walk the red carpet, so I don’t know if he was drunk upon arrival or drank too much backstage. Whatever the case, this isn’t the first time Johnny’s been wasted in public. It is troublesome that he chose to get sloshy and present at an awards show. He presented the Documentary award to producer Shep Gordon for Supermensch. Johnny wasn’t just a little toasty in a cute, charming, “Oh, Johnny!” sort of way. He was flat-out swaying at the mic, cursing, and slurring his words. Here’s a video of Johnny’s speech:

Amber Heard did not attend the HFAs with Johnny. They’re not broken up or anything. Last week, People published a puff story about Johnny and Amber’s date night, which was super romantic even though he wore his rat-chewed hat. Amber doesn’t mind Johnny’s gross fashion, so she may think drunk Johnny is cute.

Mike Myers covered for Johnny backstage. Myers told the Hollywood reporter “It was very rock ‘n roll, which is very appropriate for Shep Gordon.” Sure.

Photos courtesy of Getty & WENN

Shailene Woodley wore Valentino at last night’s Hollywood Film Awards. She looks lovely but always dresses so mature for her age. I’d like to see her embrace her early 20s with some really fun fashion. Shailene won the breakthrough award for her portrayal of a teenage cancer patient in The Fault in Our Stars. The dress has star-like embellishments, so maybe that’s why Shailene picked it. On second thought, those look like starfishes. This dress looks really cheap for Valentino, but Shai’s fashion sense is very offbeat.

Shailene’s speech was very genuine, and you can tell that she loved playing 16-year-old Hazel. Shai said, “She recognizes it’s not about how long a life we lead or the mark we leave on the world that matters. It’s about simple things like gratitude and not taking anything for granted. Every day we wake up and we’re breathing, we’re winning. We all already have victories on our plate the second we leave our pillows in the morning. [She] reminded me of that, that simple truth.” I often give Shailene a hard time for her naval-gazing, but this is a fine speech.

Here’s a better look at Shailene’s dress. It suits her, but there’s something missing. Her makeup artist got carried away with the HD powder.

Laura Dern presented Shailene’s award. They’re really good friends, and Shailene spends a lot of time at Laura’s house. Laura wore this black Alberta Ferretti gown. This dress is a little too ruffly and Vegas-y, but the turquouse Ethan K clutch provides a welcome pop of color.

Photos courtesy of Getty & WENN

This month has seen tons of media speculation about Zoe Saldana’s uterus. She was wearing overalls and loose clothing for weeks, which was a huge tip off. Zoe never said anything herself, but one of Zoe’s friends gave an exclusive to Us Weekly last Monday. Then multiple sources revealed to E! that Zoe and husband Marco Perego were expecting twins.

Zoe has already revealed a visible bump on the Guardians of the Galaxy red carpets, but she’s still furious that people are talking about her pregnancy. She whipped out her bitch on Twitter about it: “I would like to thank all the f—ing media for invading our privacy.”

Did you hear that? Now the media has “disrespected” Zoe. The thing is, she’s correct in a way. As much as I’d like to give Zoe a hard time for throwing attitude, she does have a right to complain about this. Celebrities implicitly agree to give up a certain amount of privacy when they seek out fame. Pregnancy is a delicate matter though. Especially in the early stages when things can go wrong. Any pregnant woman should have the right to announce her pregnancy when she decides to do so.

Zoe has balls for tweeting out against the media in the middle of a press tour. And with added profanity to boot. That part wasn’t very classy. She does need to figure out which of her friends are leaking to the press. Plug those holes, girl.

Photos courtesy of Fame/Flynet, Pacific Coast News & WENN

Nicki Minaj has been stirring sh-t up on social media this week. She already tweeted about racism in hip hop and threw some hefty shade on Iggy Azalea in the process. All of that was precursor to Nicki dropping the artwork for her new “Anaconda” single. We only thought Nicki started dressing classy. She hasn’t changed a bit. (I’m blurring this image for your eyeballs and because we blur all derrieres on this site.)

With a single cover like this, no one is really thinking about the music, right? Nicki wanted some attention, so she put her booty out there for everyone to see. She wanted big reactions. She wanted to have people freak out over her NSFW thong shot. She wanted to rant when people called her out for looking for attention.

Someone took the bait and photoshopped Nicki’s cheeks into the Google logo. Nicki decided this parody was racist and posted it to her Instagram page. Then she posted the thonged tushies of a bunch of SI models, including the latest SI: Swim cover. Nicki labeled these tushes “acceptable” and “angelic” (except for Chrissy Teigen’s butt, which she laughed at). Nicki stuck to posting white girl booty to make her point. She purposely did not post any tushies of SI’s black swimsuit models like Cris Urena or Chanel Iman.

Does Nicki have a point about racism against booties? There’s a difference between the SI: Swim issue (where people expect to see tush) and a single cover (that people see on the internet without warning). For what it’s worth, people called out Lady Gaga for her thong on the “Do What U Want” single cover too.

Photos courtesy of Nicki Minaj on Instagram, Fame/Flynet & WENN